Totally Fed Up

WARNING! This post is just one big fat whinge and rant, which is possibly the result of not enough sleep over the weekend…

But basically, yes, I am fed up today. In fact I was pretty fed up yesterday too. Bleugh. I am hoping that my mood may improve as the day does, but I suspect that will only happen if we have no customers in today, which is very very unlikely… Work is only one small part of my general downcast mood. I am fed up with people not listening when you explain how to do something, not reading e-mails they are sent and then getting narky when they don’t have correct id with them, with people who think that they do no need to do research for themselves. This latter group are the most irritating – my job is to facilitate research, not to do it for you!!!

My boss, who is generally a lovely man, has anxiety issues and therefore has to be managed… when you just want to get on with stuff, this can be quite trying… He also has a very annoying habit of ignoring the big pile of carefully (or not so carefully) arranged stuff you are dealing with on your desk and plonking more stuff on top of it! Thus I lose my grip on what I am doing, which when you are trying to do five or more things at once whilst being constantly interrupted, is pretty tough going.

Raaar….

Mostly I still enjoy working here. I’d like more money, wouldn’t we all, and am generally quite fed up with having to watch the pennies all the time, but I am saving for a wedding and trying to pay off massive amounts of debt that I have accumulated over the last 10 years, so I have no one to blame but myself on that one. It is very boring though.

And really I have no right to whinge about work because poor Flâneur is stuck in a job he absolutely hates, working all hours God sends (and some that he doesn’t), missing out on fun stuff he was looking forward to, making himself ill and for what? For a man who doesn’t appreciate what he does, doesn’t make best use of Flâneur’s skills and talents and who is both disorganised and controlling at the same time. There are meetings where decisions are made and unmade and poor Flaneur is stuck with all the crappy jobs and none of the interesting things he is actually very good at. And I so want to do be able to something about it because I hate seeing him so down and so miserable and so stressed that he is ill, but I can’t. There is absolutely nothing I can do, nothing I can say that will make it better. All I can do is be there for him when he needs to whinge, try not to whinge too much myself around him, try and stay positive and hope and pray that another job comes up very very soon (preferably in Scotland).

What I would most like to do, other than get him a new job, is whisk him away somewhere where he can forget all about it, so he can feel like he is really getting a break, so that he can enjoy himself and do some of the things HE wants to do. But I can't do that either. Partly because it wouldn't really solve the problem, but mostly because we both have neither the time nor the money for such things right now. :o(

I am most fed up, however, with this whole weight loss malarkey. Or lack there of. I am still stagnating at the same position I got to last July, no matter how careful I am with what I eat and how much more exercise I try to do (I realise I could easily do more of this). My mood ends up fluctuating just about as much as my weight is at the moment. Indeed it is directly proportional. I get really chuffed and excited and think I’m getting somewhere and then put 3-4 pounds on again. Aaaarrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!! I am taking two steps forward and about four steps back. Goddamn. I think I am destined never to reach the next number down and am almost forgetting what that number is… I keep reaching X-1 stones and 1 pound and then going straight back up to 4 pounds!! It is not the time of the month, I am not suddenly gorging. I am being really careful with what I eat, even when I go out, and yet my body still torments me thus!!

It’s so bloody depressing.

How the hell do people do it? I know how celebs do it – they have time and money to hire a personal trainer and are able to dedicate both to the pursuit of a better shape and fitness. How do ordinary people do it? People who have jobs and lives and not much money?? People who spend their day getting exhausted by having to deal with other people (don’t get me started on other people…). I know that I will work really hard all this week at shifting those 3 pounds again, and that they are likely to be gone by the weekend again, but then, when my back is turned, boom! on they come again.

Anyway… as I said at the start, this is just one big fat whinge. The sun will come out (eventually) and I will get happy again, and think, ah, stuff it, I’ve done really well to come this far and I just need to give it all a good kick start again with a big push on the exercise etc. but right now, I’m just fed up with it all.

Bleugh.