Friday, May 29, 2009
Progress!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Totally Fed Up
But basically, yes, I am fed up today. In fact I was pretty fed up yesterday too. Bleugh. I am hoping that my mood may improve as the day does, but I suspect that will only happen if we have no customers in today, which is very very unlikely… Work is only one small part of my general downcast mood. I am fed up with people not listening when you explain how to do something, not reading e-mails they are sent and then getting narky when they don’t have correct id with them, with people who think that they do no need to do research for themselves. This latter group are the most irritating – my job is to facilitate research, not to do it for you!!!
My boss, who is generally a lovely man, has anxiety issues and therefore has to be managed… when you just want to get on with stuff, this can be quite trying… He also has a very annoying habit of ignoring the big pile of carefully (or not so carefully) arranged stuff you are dealing with on your desk and plonking more stuff on top of it! Thus I lose my grip on what I am doing, which when you are trying to do five or more things at once whilst being constantly interrupted, is pretty tough going.
Raaar….
Mostly I still enjoy working here. I’d like more money, wouldn’t we all, and am generally quite fed up with having to watch the pennies all the time, but I am saving for a wedding and trying to pay off massive amounts of debt that I have accumulated over the last 10 years, so I have no one to blame but myself on that one. It is very boring though.
And really I have no right to whinge about work because poor Flâneur is stuck in a job he absolutely hates, working all hours God sends (and some that he doesn’t), missing out on fun stuff he was looking forward to, making himself ill and for what? For a man who doesn’t appreciate what he does, doesn’t make best use of Flâneur’s skills and talents and who is both disorganised and controlling at the same time. There are meetings where decisions are made and unmade and poor Flaneur is stuck with all the crappy jobs and none of the interesting things he is actually very good at. And I so want to do be able to something about it because I hate seeing him so down and so miserable and so stressed that he is ill, but I can’t. There is absolutely nothing I can do, nothing I can say that will make it better. All I can do is be there for him when he needs to whinge, try not to whinge too much myself around him, try and stay positive and hope and pray that another job comes up very very soon (preferably in Scotland).
What I would most like to do, other than get him a new job, is whisk him away somewhere where he can forget all about it, so he can feel like he is really getting a break, so that he can enjoy himself and do some of the things HE wants to do. But I can't do that either. Partly because it wouldn't really solve the problem, but mostly because we both have neither the time nor the money for such things right now. :o(
I am most fed up, however, with this whole weight loss malarkey. Or lack there of. I am still stagnating at the same position I got to last July, no matter how careful I am with what I eat and how much more exercise I try to do (I realise I could easily do more of this). My mood ends up fluctuating just about as much as my weight is at the moment. Indeed it is directly proportional. I get really chuffed and excited and think I’m getting somewhere and then put 3-4 pounds on again. Aaaarrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!! I am taking two steps forward and about four steps back. Goddamn. I think I am destined never to reach the next number down and am almost forgetting what that number is… I keep reaching X-1 stones and 1 pound and then going straight back up to 4 pounds!! It is not the time of the month, I am not suddenly gorging. I am being really careful with what I eat, even when I go out, and yet my body still torments me thus!!
It’s so bloody depressing.
How the hell do people do it? I know how celebs do it – they have time and money to hire a personal trainer and are able to dedicate both to the pursuit of a better shape and fitness. How do ordinary people do it? People who have jobs and lives and not much money?? People who spend their day getting exhausted by having to deal with other people (don’t get me started on other people…). I know that I will work really hard all this week at shifting those 3 pounds again, and that they are likely to be gone by the weekend again, but then, when my back is turned, boom! on they come again.
Anyway… as I said at the start, this is just one big fat whinge. The sun will come out (eventually) and I will get happy again, and think, ah, stuff it, I’ve done really well to come this far and I just need to give it all a good kick start again with a big push on the exercise etc. but right now, I’m just fed up with it all.
Bleugh.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Hat-trick
I failed to go at all last week while off on leave, despite us setting the alarm early one morning… I just couldn’t do it! Thankfully Flâneur didn’t try to make me and let me just drift off back to sleep. I did manage to put about 3 or 4 pounds on over the course of the week (1 week!!), but it seems to be edging off again. Why does it never come off as quickly as it goes on??
That’s the problem with weeks off though, you loose your routine and all your good intentions go out the window (well, mine do). Although we walked quite a lot during the week, it just wasn’t enough to counteract all the extra eating I seemed to be doing… And having done well with my Easter chocolate (not getting much and then making it last over a few days, rather than scoffing it in one go), this was then scuppered by the future sisters-in-law giving us more!! I tried to let Flâneur eat most of it, but still managed about 100 grams in one day. Urgh.
We did manage a good day on Sunday to try and make up for it though. The weather was beautiful and we decided that we should be out and about in it, rather than stuck inside in our dark flat. We had wanted to picnic during our week off, but the weather stopped us, so it was nice to have an opportunity to pack some sandwiches into our picnic bag and head into the park. We had fruit kicking about that we hadn’t been eating too, so we put that in to make it a more virtuous lunch. We had been intending to walk in the park anyway, but decided that rather than going our usual route through the valley between Arthur’s Seat and the Crags, we’d go up, and (taking frequent breaks for me to catch my breath, Flâneur is something of a mountain goat when it comes to this stuff) we got up there in not too bad a time. We were so near the top that I declared that it would be rude to come all that way and not get to the top of the Seat so up we went! It was a glorious view (through all the other folk up there) and very satisfying to get to the top. The picnic was eaten half way back down and a thoroughly good day it was.
And then back down to Earth with a bump on Monday as I was back up at 6:30 to go to the pool and then back at work. Man I was grumpy that morning!! Still, I managed a fast swim (very surprising as I felt like a lead weight for the first 10 lengths), which I kept up on Tuesday and Thursday of this week too! There were some annoying people in the pool, but it didn’t seem to make any difference to my times. There was one girl whose breast-stroke technique was really lovely, text book stuff, but boy did she swim sllloooooowwwwwllly…. I ended up nearly swimming on top of her twice and eventually ended up swapping to the other slow lane (the one with the scary faster people in it!) to stop myself getting truly infuriated! I think that’s why my time was so good on Monday – I was forced to swim harder and faster for the last 8-10 lengths by the pressure of other people!! She was back on Tuesday, but we managed to keep enough of a distance between us that she didn’t bother me so much. Yesterday was fantastic though. A really great swim. By the middle of my 40 lengths I really felt ‘in the zone’ and it was just me and the water and I was just cutting through it without much real thought. Beautiful. Another annoying person (who didn’t know what stick to the right of the lane meant and nearly crashed into both me and another swimmer), but it didn’t seem to matter. Just me and the water. Bliss. Rather than bore you with all the stats (which I buggered up on Monday anyway) here are my over all times for the three swims:
Monday: 31.54.82
Tuesday: 32.20.15
Wednesday: 31.52.53
Top quality stuff. Very happy. :o)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter Weekend
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Swim little fishie, swim…
Yes, I’m still doing it, I’m still getting up early and heading out to the pool to get my kilometre of breast stroke in before work. Phew, but it’s hard sometimes I can tell you. Not necessarily the getting up, I’m getting used to that and going to bed earlier certainly helps, but, oh, ok the getting up… Some mornings it’s just impossible. But thankfully, I seem to do ok on enough mornings to make a difference at the moment…
Last week I managed to get my backside out of bed and go to the pool twice. Monday I already blogged about, but I went on Thursday as well. This was not such a good swim time wise (I’ll put all the stats at the end so as not to bore you), doing the km in 34.00.97. But the important thing was I went. Flâneur was back on Friday morning and I went to meet him at the airport at the hideous hour that his flight got in, so Thursday morning worked as training for getting up early too… ;o)
As well as having missed him tremendously and wanting to see him as soon as possible, I always like to be met at airports when I travel alone and therefore believe that other people might also want a friendly face waiting for them when they’ve just come off a long and boring flight on their own. He’d also had a nasty twist to the ankle while away, so I thought it might cheer him up to see me at the airport when he got back and I could also help him with any bags if the ankle was still bad.
We had a nice relaxing weekend, chilling out on Friday (gave me a chance to get started on his washing), until he fell asleep on me around 8:30pm… Saturday started out relaxed and then we headed out to LS’s wedding in the afternoon. They had decided on a Humanist ceremony, which I must say I had had my reservations about. Stories of hand holding, hippy type affairs (God that makes me sounds old) had me wondering what to expect, but it was actually really quite lovely. The celebrant was very charming and warm and it was frankly miles better than the dreadful civil weddings I’ve been to in Scotland which can be extremely unromantic and legal (By this particular law of Scotland of this particular date blah blah blah). Maybe it’s just one bad experience, but they always seem short and sharp and just a bit of a let down to the romantic in me. There were two readings and we all said a Celtic blessing to them at the end and it was all about mutual trust and respect. The bride looked beautiful in a very classic style sparkly gown and very simple hair arrangement and both were beaming the whole day (which you’d hope!). There was plenty of bubbly sploshing about and the food at dinner was much better than I had either expected or it looked! We did spend most of dinner just talking to each other though, as everyone else at the table knew each other and didn’t seem to want to engage us in conversation, even though we did try. Ah well, it’s often the way when you don’t know so many people at weddings… but a bit of an effort from the other people at our table would have been nice.
Poor Flâneur’s ankle had swollen quite considerably with all the standing around before and after dinner so he was unable to join in the dancing, but I had a good boogy with TS and a couple of other collegues before we sloped off home around 11… It seemed a shame not to stay later but some of the other people we knew had left and poor Flâneur was still jetlagged and sore.
Quite a busy end to a busy week. As well as my swims I went out for dinner to The Kitchin with Wastrel and SAM, a lovely lovely treat from Wastrel. Tom Kitchin was in the kitchen too, which seemed like a special treat, and the food did not disappoint! I had new season asparagus wrapped in parma ham with scallops, followed by saddle of rabbit with stuff…. and then an apple sorbet with champagne sauce. Hmmm….all sooo sooo tasty! Good food, good chat and a good time had by all. Thursday night I was out again this time with all The Girls to La Favourita, which is a nice Italian restaurant, when it isn’t full of lots of very loud people. Which is was on Thursday. Lovely company, nice food, but a shame I couldn’t hear most of the conversation. I was also bloody knackered, so happy to sit and listen to what I could hear and join in when I wanted to. I sloped off home when they all went for a drink after dinner as I needed to do a few bits and pieces before bed and then get an early night for the early start on Friday.
And so on to this week and back to the swimming. I managed to get out of bed both yesterday and today for my morning swim, today being randomly easier than yesterday. Going to bed around 10 last night probably helped… I have now joined the university sports centre too, so don’t need to worry about having enough swims left on my voucher (got Thursday’s last week free as the girl didn’t check my card when I went it, result!). I certainly am still enjoying it and was delighted yesterday to see my quickest time yet (33.07.81, nearly the same as the first swim of the year, which was in a smaller pool, you will recall).
The pool is a little quieter as the university is on holiday and I managed to get into a nice rhythm with another girl in my lane so that neither of us was bothering the other. I like it most when it’s like that. Today was a little different as it was mostly me and this bloke who swims at about the same pace until we were joined by this deeply irritating guy who I’ve seen there before who swims with a float and just kicks his legs. He is the most inefficient swimmer I have seen in a while – rather than neat, steady kicks he almost thrashes in the water which means that he not only goes quite slowly, but if you come up behind him you get tons of spray in your face. Which is what happened this morning. Most of the time he’s ok because he’ll wait and let you turn and go off ahead because he knows you are quicker, but on at least two lengths I was trapped behind him, forced to go a bit slower and to tilt my head away from the massive splashes. Sigh. I ended up swapping lanes to the other slow one, which was a bit quieter, and finished my lengths in peace. I don’t usually like to use that lane as it tends to attract faster slow swimmers than me, but it was just one other girl who was not so fast, so it wasn’t so bad.
I was a bit sore this morning and seemed to be going quite slowly so I was extremely surprised when I looked at the final time on the SportsCount and saw 32.47.81! That’s the first time I’ve been under 33 minutes in this pool and coming close to the times I chalked up in the local one. Woo hoo! I had been trying to improve my technique a bit this morning, having found a few tips online yesterday and maybe it actually paid off! Goddamn, get down to 30 mins and I’ll have to add another 10 lengths… Knackering!!
So the tedious stats for the last three swims are:
Date: 02.04.2009 / 06.04.2009 / 07.04.2009
Lengths: 40 (1000m) / 40 (1000m) / 40 (1000m)
Time: 34.00.97 / 33.07.81 / 32.47.81
Average: 51.02 / 49.70 / 49.20
Fastest: (1) 40.11 / (1) 38.88 / (1) 39.30
Slowest: (32) 54.77 / (14) 53.94 / (10) 53.27
It’s not quite the table I would have liked (quite difficult to make out sorry) but if you squint you can really see the progress over the last three swims. Very excited about getting my first lap in at under 40 seconds now, but I should probably aim at consistency over the 40 rather than a very speedy first lap and then slowing down through overexertion! Something to work on…
Hmm… I really ought to blog more frequently, then you wont be stuck with massive posts like this!! Ah well...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Busy, busy, busy
40 lengths (1000m)
34.13.74 (nearly a whole minute faster!!)
Average time for length: 51.34
Fastest Length: 1 at 43.12 (the slowest for a while, but it didn't seem to matter)
Slowest Length: 28 at 55.38
So not too bad. My Flâneur went off to Jakarta on Tuesday so I didn't want to get up early and bugger off to the pool when we could spend a bit more quality time together on Tuesday morning before going to work. I meant to go on Thursday instead, but when the alarm went of at 6:30 I just curled up in bed and refused to get up. There being no-one to either make me get up or lure me out of bed with breakfast, I just stayed there until I had to get up to get ready for work. On Friday I was a bit hungover so that was definitely out!!
But I managed to get my backside out of bed today and head off to the pool this morning, which was pretty impressive as Flâneur isn't back yet... I think a little habit may be forming, which is no bad thing. The pool was really quiet this morning, which was nice. Just me and one other girl in my lane for most of the time, with most of the other lanes pretty much the same. Usually there are between 20 and 30 people in the pool, but today it was probably 12-15... Must be University holidays or something.
And today was my best day yet at this pool. It didn't seem like it was going to be when I started off. I felt slow and the swimming felt hard work. Well it is hard work I suppose. I felt so good when I finished and checked the time on the SportsCount for my total. That's partly why I do it, I must say. So (just to bore you some more) today's stats:
40 lengths (1000m)
33.35.28 (that's nearly at the time of my first swim in the local pool at the start of the year! Yeah man!)
Average time for length: 50.38
Fastest Length: 1 at 40.84
Slowest Length: 10 at 53.24 (nearly my fastest slow length of the year!)
So really really pleased.
Other than not swimming this past week has been pretty busy as I try desperately not to miss Flâneur too much (didn't quite work). Everyone has been very sweet at making sure I'm ok and not too bored without him! Very lovely... He left on Tuesday last week and that evening I was out having dinner with TS who I teach palaeography with. We had a great time, but I'm not used to drinking half a bottle of wine on a Tuesday and it went right to my head!
On Wednesday it was the last of my Japanese classes of this term. It's gone really well and I can't believe how much we can now do! It was Japanese 1, Course 2, so we're talking beginners stuff here, but I don't think that at this stage in any other language that I have learnt have I been able to say what I have done/will be doing/am doing using past and not past tenses. It helps make me feel like I'm getting somewhere! I was even able to construct the fairly complex sentences of: "Yesterday, R-san went to Jakarta by plane. He is doing research work there. He comes home on Friday next week." I'm not sure if this will work but:
きの ラエイさんは ジャカタに ひこきで いきました。レセチャの しごとを します。 ラいしゅ きにょび うちに かえります。
Cool. I think I might have got 'Jakarta' wrong, but otherwise it's not bad!! Impressive, no?? ;o)
Thursday I was out again, this time at HMcM's for dinner and chat. We were joined by RF and HAL and talked about all sorts of grown up things that made us feel very old... Again, too much wine was drunk and my head was sore on Friday morning. I'm lucky if I have a few glasses of wine on a Friday/Saturday these days, but at H's I had two glasses of Prosecco and then the best part of half a bottle of white! Urgh... Made me feel totally out of it on Friday and I ended up leaving work early because of the stinking headache. That'll teach me. I was very glad of a night in to myself on Friday night. It's lovely seeing people and having company (eating alone is miserable), but it was good to have a night off!!
Saturday saw me in Glasgow with RF trying on actual bonafide wedding dresses! God, it was terrifying... Mostly the hideous monstrosities that these places sell (we saw one girl trying on a Jordan-esque poofy thing that had a sky blue top and too much netting on the bottom. Eek!). It was all very eye opening and confirmed that that is definitely NOT what I want. I just didn't look right in them. So we came up with a good list of dos and don't to take to a dress maker and I'll get what I want, not what someone else thinks I should wear. So there. ;o) Two things though that the woman said that had me raising my eyebrows:
'when you find your dress, you'll know' - hmmm...
'Is your mum coming up to help you dress shop at all?' (answer: 'no') 'so she trusts you then...' Err? sorry? I love my mother and respect her opinion but wtf? Did she think I wasn't able to chose a frock without mummy?? That she had any say in what I wear on my wedding day?? Anyway, I know there are plenty of mothers out there who do hold that kind of sway over their daughters, but mine aint one of them. I would take her opinion (at a pinch), but other than that, she'd be the first to say that it's my choice not hers.
Anyway... it was a great day with RF and it was really nice to go back to her gaff in the country for the night so I didn't have to spend the weekend at home on my own. AB made us dinner, which was yummy and 'all organic, all local' as he'd been at the farmer's market in Edinburgh that morning. Hmm... It was a lovely chilled evening and much appreciated. RF dropped me back in Edinburgh on Sunday around lunch time, which gave me loads of time to get the (much needed) housework done. Phew. All this stuff going on though and I've not yet finished the quilt!
It's been great while Flâneur's been away. I've missing him like crazy, but my lovely friends have made sure it's not made me too crazy. ;o) Thanks guys!! More to come this week...